FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
even my farts smell like vagina
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
