Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
