You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
