These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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