I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
