I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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