Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
