No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
