Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
