hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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