Will you blow on my dice?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
