I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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