I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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