epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
