I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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