We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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