ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
