you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
