What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
