At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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