Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
