I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
