I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize