No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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