I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
