We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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