Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
