i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
