Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
