when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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