Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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