Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
