Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
