today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
