I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When did angry sex become our thing?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
