Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
