the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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