Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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