shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize