I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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