Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
