Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just pee around me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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