In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize