why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
