I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
