Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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