I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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