why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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