When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
