oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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