So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
