good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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