i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
