I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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