At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
