I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
