im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
