Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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