Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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