she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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