she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
