he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hippo gnu deer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
