I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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