Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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