yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
