I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't deserve a penis
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
