didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
