Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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