I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
