my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
