i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
