You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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