good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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