I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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