i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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