i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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