man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize