Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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