I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
